Match report

The Jesus Resurrection

Christ is risen! And so too are Wiley, resurrected from the dead after their very public crucifixion at the hands of IVCC’s very own Pontius Pilate, Dan Bibb just a week prior.

As it turns out, a week is a long time in cricket at this level. The Son of God himself could only manage to stay cadaverous for 3 days; Wiley managed an impressive 8 days. And so, as the two teams met on a sunny evening at the hallowed Jesus College sports ground for a hastily arranged fixture, 10 Wiley disciples dutifully followed their leader onto the pitch and chastened themselves to do battle against the might of the IVCC soldiers once again.

It quickly became clear that Wiley had drafted in some new followers to their cricketing flock, as the opening bowler Warton (a ringer purloined from Garsington Cricket Congregation) showed impressive pace coupled with a disciplined line and length that had been missing from their performance the previous week. Warton wasted no time in drawing a streaky edged 4 from Ellis in the first over. Not long after, another edge from Ellis that somehow their keeper construed to drop had the Rumpshaker raising his eyes to Heaven and thanking the Lord for his clemency. This turned out to be short-lived as it wasn’t long before Ellis found himself cramped for room like a Bethlehemian inn, and was comprehensibly bowled for 6.

Cable-Alexander at the other end had been polishing his halo, waiting for his opportunity to reap the rewards for hours of punctilious service in the nets. However, he was soon to join his opening partner back at the stable with one of the more comical dismissals of the season: the ball striking him on the pad, then glancing the glove on its way up as it ballooned back to Warton for a caught and bowled, for just 3.

Ross, who had at this time kept his head down and his elbow high in stoic defence, was joined at the altar by Deacon Smith. Steady accumulation, coupled with some huge sixes from Ross, meant the score started to bear some form of respectability. However, whilst looking for another maximum, Ross was caught on the boundary for 25. The IVCC flock looked to Deacon Smith for guidance but, despite some typically classy shots, it wasn’t long before he too was out, caught for a blasphemous 7.

Like when Jesus fasted for 40 days and 40 nights in the Judaean wilderness, the IVCC faith was tested. But this only meant it was time for the Prodigal Son himself, Bjorn Pedersen, to return to the crease where he has seen such success in recent years. The Anaesthetist and the Saintly Cavanagh, who made his way to the Alter for IVCC for the first time this season, looked to rebuild an innings that was in danger of crumbing like the walls of Jericho. However, Cavanagh too was found wanting, bowled by Turner for 3.

Meier ambled to the crease with all the (W.G) grace of Mary and Joseph leaving Galilee on an ass. His job was simple: not to turn water into wine, but to turn dot balls into runs. Trying to jab down into short midwicket for quick singles to get Pedersen (hallowed be his name) on strike, this put the onus on the Aussie to hit the big runs. Several boundaries followed before Petersen called for a risky second run, and a decent throw from the fielder saw him get fingered by umpire Cable-Alexander.

With just a few balls of the innings left, Taylor cantered to the middle on a wing and a prayer and opened his 2015 batting account with a solid push to mid-on for a quick single. Meier, looking flustered as ever when called upon to get more than a few runs per hour, managed just enough time to miss a pull shot and wear one in that holiest of holy places, before following it up with a boundary and the IVCC doctrine stood at a rather paltry 102–7.

After a Holy Communion of the blood (Carlsberg) and the body (Marlboro Gold) of Christ delivered by Vicar Watkins, IVCC took the field with the words from their skipper’s sermon ringing in their ears. The epistle from the apostle was clear: this was not going to be an easy afternoon of plundering and pillaging like before, and priest-like discipline was required. Not an easy thing for a brethren of brothers more used to worshipping at the ungodly tabernacles of the Thirst Lodge than at the local reredos on a Sunday morn. Still, with the wind and a mess of mixed metaphors at their backs, IVCC rallied behind opening bowler Bibb, so often the Saviour when the going gets tough.

Sadly Bibb’s radar was slightly off and Wiley took 9 off his first over. Very solid starts from both Tyler (0–14 off 3) and first change Ross (0–14 off 2), and some excellent keeping by brother Cav, saw Wiley actually fall behind the run rate early on. However, the two Wiley openers knew they had time on their side and slowly played themselves in, picking up the singles here and there punctuated by the odd boundary and 102 soon started to appear a very easy target indeed. Just as their cup runneth over, wily (double natch) skipper Smith turned back to Bibb to make a breakthrough. Once again Smith proved what a tactical genius he is as Bibb soon had their opener (New Testament) Mark LBW for an impressive 31.

As is so often in this wondrous game of ours, one wicket brings two, and three, and four. Whilst opener Craig continued to plunder runs at his whim at one end, Bibb (4–21 off 4) was ripping through them at the other end: having their #s 4, 5, and 6 bowled, LBW, and bowled respectively, either side of an absolute peach from Smith who crucified their #3’s off stump. However, despite a number of bowling changes that saw Troth take up the ball for the first time since injury (0–11 off 2), Pederson (0–18 off 2), and Smith (1–16 off 4) all try their hand, and notwithstanding the cameo from substitute fielder extraordinaire Watkins, heathens Wiley rattled off the final runs with relative ease, hitting a boundary off Ellis’ first ball to win with two overs to spare.

“When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom” – Proverbs 11:2.

Ali Meier, Chairman, IVCC 9th June 2015