Match report

Third time lucky: after two failed attempts in 2014, the Village beat old foes Appleton to record back-to-back victories for the first time. Report by Gareth “Garr” Ellis

IVCC pitched up at the Appleton Oval in good spirits following Saturday's besting of the Jam & Marmalade boys. There was a minor last-minute scramble to make up the numbers following some late drop-outs: my own Abingdon Vale clubmate and name-sake Gareth Thomas made his IVCC debut, and the delightful Ms. Irvine sportingly agreed to plug a hole in the field.

With the skipper fashionably late (does he ever do anything unfashionably? Suave git), Chairman Meier assumed responsibilities at the toss, won it and elected to bat first (probably for the best given that half the team had not yet arrived). Having made a match-winning 48 not out for Abingdon at the weekend, I put myself forward to open the batting. Full of confidence, I strode out to the middle, made a glib remark about the wicket-keeper’s adjusting of the bails not being necessary, and then got clean bowled by a yorker on the first ball of the innings: my first ever diamond duck.

My opening partner was Thomas, a shiny building of a man: standing at least 6’ 4” tall and almost as wide, Gareth has been in great form for Vale 4th XI this season. He’s had a frustrating last few weeks – he bats at 3 and has had to watch opening partnerships of 78 (curtailed by the rain) and 173 (chasing 191). So, he was keen to get out there, spend some time in the middle and get his big-hitting game going. Naturally, he was also bowled first ball.

Appleton, full of hubris, duly pulled off their opening bowler (minds out of the gutter, please) in the interests of making a game of it and giving all their guys a go. Unbeknownst to them, the star Village pair of Olly Ross (a.k.a. the Radley Ravi) and Bjorn “The Anaesthetist” Pederson were now together at the crease, and the two continued the sparkling form they have shown this year as they went about putting the bowling to the sword. There was no doubt about it: the textbook bait-and-switch so skillfully executed by the two Gareths had worked an absolute treat.

Olly initially seemed to be scoring more quickly, dashing boundaries all around the wicket, but BJ had his usual knack of picking up ones and twos, rarely allowing any dot balls, and soon joined in on the boundary-hitting fun with a huge six over cow-corner. BJ got to his fifty first – his third half-century of the season – and then holed out to long-on, unselfishly missing out on a “retired not out”. Olly brought his maiden IVCC fifty up in the next over and duly retired, unbeaten, on 53.

The next partnership saw another south-paw, Adam Winter, and Fergus “The Scorecard-Botherer” Cable-Alexander join together. Neither lasted long, both bowled by Appleton’s slow bowler Martin Bungay. This brought together our illustrious chairman and Captain Smith, who provided entertainment in spades as they ran hard between the wickets for the last few overs and pulled the total over 150 and up to an Iffley Village 20-over best of 172 for 5. Highlights included Ali desperately trying to notch another run out (although he insists it was his call) and Bill’s Cheshire cat grin after smoking a six over long-on.

Appleton’s run-chase started with Alex “Nothing but the” Troth opening up from the pavilion end. Alex bamboozled the opening pair with his wide array of variations before opening his IVCC wicket account with a drag-on (note to editor: that is “drag-on” not “dragon”, the latter would be grossly unsporting and most likely in breach of the spirit of cricket). Another wicket followed in his next over. For Appleton’s top-order, it was very much a case of, to paraphrase Jack Nicholson, “you can’t handle the Troth!”. (Writer’s note: that sentence was horrible, but I was so proud of that pun that I had to crowbar it in somehow).

I was given the opportunity to redeem for my batting by opening the bowling from the sewage end. I started with five decent balls (including one edge for four) before bowling a stinker of a long-hop that was deservingly dispatched for four: nine from my first over. Not a good day so far. My rhythm wasn’t far away though, and I bowled Gilkes with a ball that straightened off the pitch and kept low. I haven’t bowled anyone out since 2010, so this was a very sexy feeling indeed. I picked up another wicket in my next over with a full, (relatively) quick ball which swung in to the left-handed Godwin, dipped under his eyes and through his defense and onto middle stump before you could say “Lasith Malinga” (Garith Maginga?).

So, Appleton were four-down for not very many, but this presented a new problem: Martin Bungay was now at the crease, and judging by the way he started leathering the ball, he was pissed off. He’d hit a couple of boundaries and then offered a simple catch off BJ’s bowling: Adam sportingly returned Appleton’s earlier desire to make a game of it and spilled it. Poor Gareth Thomas, not usually a bowler but someone I often find difficult to get away in the nets, bowled two overs and went for 28 – his second alone went for 19 as Bungay feasted on a buffet of line-and-length balls falling right into his arc.

However, once again Appleton had fallen into a classic IVCC ploy: by scoring so many runs in one over, Bungay had reached fifty and had to retire! It may have been an interesting contest had he been allowed to stay in, but in truth the Appleton chase fizzled out from here. I affected my first ever run-out in 18 years of cricket, Olly picked up two wickets (including that of Appleton’s Lady Cricketer - booo), the skipper bowled two very tight overs (2-1-1-0) and joined in on the run-out fun, and one of Appleton’s lower order provided some late entertainment with some enterprising shots all around the wicket for a spirited 26. All the while, our own Lady Cricketer Ms. Irvine provided exceptional support in the field on debut, putting her ankles on the line on more than one occasion with her unorthodox but effective ball-stopping technique!

With the light fading and everyone struggling to see the ball, the innings finished on 124 for 8 and Iffley Village were declared champions of the world (or at least, winners of this game of cricket) by 48 runs.

As always, thanks go to Appleton Cricket Club for their hospitality and for a fun match: I hope we will see you again next season.

Yours in cricket, Garr