Match report

Beam me up Trothy: bountiful buffet fails to make up for buffet bowling

IVCC travelled to the picturesque Northern Cotswolds for a fourth encounter with their friends from Long Compton. With both sides being left in a sticky mess by errant withdrawals, the game was played as 10 vs 10, with the home side to bat first.

Ali was keen to see his team mates standing proud in the field from ball one, and insisted on arranging some pre-match fielding practice. Sadly, the best he could muster was coaxing a gentle semi(-circle) out of his team mates; the cack-handed catching and limp-wristed throws did not auger well.

Captain Bill donned the keeping gear and asked Alex and Daylight to open things up with the new ball. Long Compton openers Badham and F.Jeavons started cautiously, showing patience as they waited out the bad balls and negotiated the better ones. Change bowlers Garr and Olly similarly tested both batsmen around off-stump, and both continued to mix good fortune and skill as they managed to avoid nicking through to the begloved skipper.

Predictably, after so much good bowling in the opening overs, it was a rank full toss that got the breakthrough. The giant figure of the Wookie lobbed a grenade at Badham; the batsman tried to swat it away towards the abattoir, but only succeeded in finding the grateful paws of Ali at mid-on. Re-energised, the Villagers capitalised on this as Olly got Jeavons to edge one which Bill took well behind the stumps.

Unfortunately for the visitors, that was as good as things got in the field. The succession of wickets brought together Malone & Thorn for the home side, who delighted in attacking everything that the Village could throw at them. Thorn in particular wowed the crowds with some big hits, riding his luck early on to go on to compile a quick half-century. He eventually fell for 72, playing on to his stumps off Alex’s bowling. In fairness to the batsman, he was presumably surprised that the ball had landed on the pitch.

The end of the innings saw some good death bowling from the returning Daylight and the always-amusing sight of a runner at the wicket for B.Jeavons. The departure of Thorn meant that some of the sting was mercifully taken out of the run rate, but the home side still mustered an imposing 214 for 3 by tea time.

Tea time is a special time at Long Compton; ever since May 2015 when IVCC first ventured north to face off against these kind fellows, we have left with the taste of the best tea of the season still in our mouths and the memory of delectable treats firmly entrenched. This day was to be no different, with the Village learning what a börek is (it’s a really tasty Turkish savoury pastry thing) and sampling an apple cake that probably deserves its own paragraph in this report.

With their bellies full, openers Ferg and Ali marched out to the middle to face the music.

Bob Willis, Headingley 1981; Andrew Flintoff, Edgbaston 2005; Mitchell Johnson, Adelaide 2013; Ash Adams, Long Compton 2015: we all remember these great spells of fast bowling. Ferg and Ali remember the latter all too well, and despite winning on the last two trips north, the spectre of the day that Adams decimated IVCC’s top order looms over the Village like the Curse of the Billy Goat in late-1900s Chicago.

The good news for them was that Adams, the home side’s captain, elected not to open the bowling himself. The bad news was that Jago Lynch was to come steaming in from the abattoir end instead. Both openers saw their furniture disturbed by sharp yorkers from man they call “the Hangman”¹ and IVCC found themselves in a spot of bother at 31 for 2.

Happily, their two highest run-scorers of all-time were at the crease. Olly and Bill set about the task of resurrecting the reply in typically busy fashion, Olly getting off the mark with a glorious cover drive and Bill with a tidy bunt through extra cover. As usual with Bill, there was plenty of aggressive running between the wickets, and this along with a few boundaries here and there saw IVCC creeping up towards the required rate. With the opening bowlers both through their allotted 7 overs and the change bowlers offering up some generous opportunities, things were looking positive.

But then: catastrophe! Olly slapped a wide ball from Thorn out to the deep cover boundary where Lynch made ground to cut if off and prevent the four. The two batsmen scurried through for one run and then turned, eager to take the chance of an eminently available second. With both men running on the same side of the wicket, they each realised that they were on an inexorable collision course and took evasive action. Hooray, this observer thought, they have sensed the danger and taken steps to avoid it! Oh no, this observer added, they have both swerved the same way and have collided in mid-pitch! Not many folks run into Bill at full tilt and come through the other side with full momentum, and so poor Olly was left to stagger in a daze towards his ground, unable to make it despite a less-than-perfect throw coming in from the deep.

This disastrous run-out saw IVCC’s latest overseas recruit, Sam, heading to the middle to join the skipper. The two continued where Bill & Olly had left off, with plenty of hard running and the occasionally boundary; Sam in particular played some exquisite shots through the off-side. Shortly after drinks, with his own words cautioning against excessive bat-swinging ringing in his ears, Bill tried to launch Swinbourne into the car park and was comprehensively castled.

Next up was the bearded assassin, Dan Watkins, making his first appearance of the season. He didn’t seem to let lack of match practice affect his performance though, with several spectators speculating that the “home improvement project” he has been prioritising over cricket may have included a cricket net in the back garden. There may be something in that, because this writer has never before seen Watkins swat a bowler over wide mid-on for four. The partnership between Sam & Dan continued the trend of being entertaining, with particular delight being taken from an all-run four which included two separate overthrows and three near run outs.

As busy as the last few partnerships had been at the crease, the loss of momentum from losing wickets had seen the required run rate creeping steadily up. Amidst this was the spectre of That Bowler, who had not yet appeared at the car park end. When he did finally come on, Adams wasted no time in splaying Dan’s stumps across Warwickshire and summoning Garr to the middle.

They say that in cricket one often brings two, and two brings three; so it was here, as Garr wondered from the non-striker’s end if he would even get to face a ball: B.Jeavons, who had miraculously recovered from the injury which saw him bat with a runner, coaxed Sam out of his crease with flight and had him stumped, before inducting Daylight first ball into Club Zero for the fourth time this season with a superb ball which spun back sharply from outside off.

Thankfully for Garr, Alex survived the hat-trick ball and the two came together in the middle to discuss the approach. 80 runs were still needed from 8 overs, so the two agreed to have a go and see how close they might get.

So the two young lovers set about their nascent relationship with the aim of having some fun, not getting too serious and definitely not putting labels on anything. But before too long, “I want to carry on dating other people” turned into “let’s meet your parents” as the two worked hard to reel in the distant target.

71 runs needed from 36 balls soon became 51 from 24; a huge six from Garr over midwicket and a bunted four through long-on from Alex saw the target become 34 from 12. Another six from Garr; an outside edge through the slips to the third man boundary from Alex; five penalty runs after the ball hit the helmet on the field; they couldn’t pull this off, could they?

A neat swivelled pull from Garr off Adams’ final ball of the penultimate over saw IVCC needing a mathematically-possible but statistically-unlikely 21 from the last over. A single from Alex, another slog to midwicket for four from Garr - 16 from 4. But clever bowling from Jeavons prevented the requisite boundaries and the entertaining challenge fizzled out. It was left for Garr to secure his red-inker and to utterly barbecue Alex² in going for an unnecessary third run off the last ball.

It was an exciting finish, but the tail-end heroes were left with just a little bit too much to do, finishing nine runs shy of their target. Congratulations to the victors; we all hope to see you again next season for more fun cricket and superb teas.

Gareth "Garr" Ellis, aka The Rumpshaker

¹ If by “they”, you mean “this writer, who just thought of this”
² That was for you, Ali