Match report

What goes on Tour stays on Tour...

... but we got our asses fully whooped on our first Tour game, against a decent enough without being exceptional St Albans side. I'm not going to sugarcoat it: in stifling conditions, the Villagers were dogshit in the field, on a pitch that resembled a badger's arsehole. Troth managed to get out first ball at some point, though he claimed it was second (nobody in St Albans saw the supposed first ball). We sweated. A lot. Perhaps because he is more used to this kind of heat, but Conway did well and hit a nice 30 odd. He also did an awful lot of running whilst fielding, most of it down the road to pick up the ball as it raced away for another boundary. Dropped catches, balls through legs, overthrows, mix ups... It was just one of those days were everything that could go wrong, did go wrong. There was even time for a load of pizzas to turn up that nobody claimed. Bizarre. But, wiith no standout performances with either bat or ball, it's difficult to add any gloss to the team's performance. As the old adage goes: you simply can't polish a turd.

But we do thank our hosts for the game and the match tea. The pints afterwards, whilst undeserved, were very much needed! The boys then retired to the hotel for a quick shower before hitting the local, The Paper Mill, to watch the footy and have dinner. Feeling brave, we then ventured out into St Albans, tucking into a few pints at The Pea Hen before the skipper decided it was sticky floor and dirty birds time and marched us round the town searching for a filthy club to embarrass ourselves in. Unsurprisingly, the doormen at the only club in town took one look at 8 "strapping" "young" "lads" marching down the road towards them and politely told us to fuck off. Back to the newly-Christened Cider Lounge at the Holiday Inn and stories about Taylor's hairy bumhole.

Ali Meier

Chairman