Match report

We started Saturday with a six-sausage breakfast of filth whilst Troth went for a "run". Oh how we laughed. The we spent the rest of the day at Top Golf - hitting balls and drinking pints whilst willing England on to victory against those pesky Swedes. Conway hit some booming drives, Taylor was devastating with a 7-iron, Smith was predictably decent, Mrs Smith (Amy, not Bill's mum) even showed up and showed off her impressive ball skills. newcomers to the world of gold FCA, Meier and Troth all tied for the lead as shittest golfer of the day. Messrs Conway and Morton departed for home and inevitable childcare duty, whilst the skipper and his bride-to-never-be Amy went off to a wedding. The boys retired for showers (separately I'm told) and a couple of cheekies in the Cider Lounge before hitting The Boat in "Berko".

After a cultured evening out in Berkhamstead involving more World Cup football matches, romantic walks along the river, and an exquisite 3-course meal at The Highwayman, that somehow ended up in debauched shenanigans including demolishing a crate of luminous orange cider, bottles of gin, nudity, and vomiting in other people's showers... the motley crew of Villagers ambled up to the London Colney pavilion generally worse for wear. With a couple or ringers, and then a couple more, making up a ramshackle XI, the team of players pulling on the hallowed IVCC shirt were asked to bat first - good news for those who needed a few more hours to pull themselves together.

Regular opening pair Cable-Alexander and Meier took to the field with some trepidation - it was hot. Oh god it was hot. And it was only going to get hotter. The pitch - well it resembled a back-street Mumbai dust-bowl. Dry. So very, very dry. Somewhat surprisingly, both batsmen settled in well and looked to be building a decent partnership until both were bowled. Presumably by decent balls - to be honest, i'm writing this match report a month too late and the memory is, well, more than a little hazy. Pretty sure Meier was bowled by an absolute doozy. It would have to be. And Fergus? I seem to remember him shouldering arms to a straight one.

There were brief cameos by various ringers, including a decent partnership at the end between an incredibly hungover Troth and his mate from Watford, but the crux of the innings was held together by an epic performance from the skipper, who looked rarely troubled as he posted his highest score ever for IVCC to date - a colossal 94. Smith was cruelly denied a century as he went for a huge six down at long off, only to see himself caught on the boundary. As always, if only he had a another couple of inches....

With Taylor a useless puddle on the floor and unable to play, the Villagers and pseudo-Villagers took to the field with bellies full of a wonderful match tea courtesy of Will's late replacement - the wonderful Bal. His homemade curries went down a treat and helped rid most, not all, of the team's lingering hangovers. Still, the sun was high in the sky and bearing down upon us like a drunken uncle at Christmas time - difficult to hide from, and penetrating. With skipper Smith completely handing over the captaining reigns to ringer Fretter with barely a whimper, the new skipper marshalled his troops with precise field placements and huffs of disappointment when things went wrong. Poor FCA had a shocker in the field. He had one of those days where one dropped catch followed another, and then no matter where he fielded the ball followed him around and, invariably, ended up going through his legs for a boundary. A day in the field to forget for the Goose.

Tim Ellis, roommate of dreams, put in a fantastically controlled bowling performance that immediately put the hosts under the kosh, a pressure from which they never recovered. With everyone from all the ringers to their mothers and brothers having a bowl, save the keeper and Fergus of course, the home side fell some way short of the required total and the Village ended the tour on a high. Well, most of us did - Taylor, the aformentioned puddle, was already back in Oxford having been scooped up into a bit of tupperware, driven back home by the skipper's other half, and delivered to his wife with an apology. Sure, there was time for the skipper to cement his Man of the Match award with a couple of wickets and a catch, a wicket and a catch for Timbo, and a catch for Meier, but really who cares about the finer details? More importantly, who can remember when this match report is being written a month later than it should have been.

This brings to end a fun first Tour for the Village. Whilst we were desperately short of actual Villagers for the games, lessons have been learned and next year's Tour promises to be bigger and much better organised. There's already talk of a long weekend in Jamaica. Seems unlikely but watch this space...

All that remains is to thank Will Taylor for all his Herculean efforts in getting this Tour organised. Thanks also to FCA for his assistance - both in helping organise fixtures and ringers, and in providing late gin comfort.

Ali Meier

IVCC Chairman

A month late