Match report

Jean Valmorton and Marius Smith hit revolutionaries for 2, 4, 6, 0 and 1 as Village make Horley misérables

In 1862, Victor Hugo wrote Les Misérables, a historical novel following the intertwined fates of several individuals set against the context of the French revolution. With themes of redemption, mercy and justice, it seems apt that his work would be lapped up so much by Iffley Village’s players: Hugo himself no doubt envisioned that one day a group of rag-tag amateurs would pay homage to his work by calling out cricket scores in the style of Russell Crowe’s Javert.

On this overcast day in northern Oxfordshire, IVCC faced off against hosts Horley on a sloped pitch set amongst verdant rolling hills. With Captain Fanta-pants still en route, Olly stood in at the toss, called correctly and invited the opposition to have first go.

Victor Hugo also wrote The Hunchback of Notre Dame, a story of love and vengeance centred around a man who battles with severe physical deformity. Meanwhile in Horley, Alex Troth opened the bowling. YCHT was on the money from the word go, sending the ball down with relentless accuracy like the crowds hurling rotten fruit at a bestocked Quasimodo. From the other end, Iffley’s very own Susan Boyle-lookalike and Master of the House, aka Daylight, was rumbling up the slope with the threat of an angry revolutionary mob, and it wasn’t long before his pitchforks ignited Horley’s tinder, with M.Parker unfortunate to chop on to his off-stump.

One became two shortly after: the dangerous A.Parker lashed out at a Troth delivery but could only slice it towards mid-off where FCA swooped like Quasimodo rescuing Esmerelda from the gallows to take the most nonchalant one-handed catch since, erm, earlier this season.

At 32-2, the Village could have been forgiven for thinking that an early finish and a chance to head to Monsieur Thenardier’s early was on the cards. However Horley’s third-wicket partnership dug in and showed all the grit and determination of Javert on the hunt to stave off the Village threat before opening up and increasing the run rate. Moon hit Ali into one tree over long-off, before Hart thumped Garr into another tree at deep square (this one went particularly high - maybe he was aiming for a castle on a cloud?).

It took the introduction of Olly, sporting what he described as a beard and looking like something of a modern-day cricketing Gavroche, to break the partnership, with Cav snaffling a sharp catch behind the stumps. This brought Savi Sangha to the crease, who immediately started to try and quell the uprising by charging all of the Village bowlers. This particularly irked Garr, and an intriguing battle between the two continued for a few overs. Garr - like Jean Valjean stealing a loaf to feed his family - will claim the moral victory having restricted the Horley slogger to only a couple of boundaries, but Sangha survived the battle until the last over when he was comically run out off a Tim Ellis wide.

Meanwhile Garr picked up a couple of deserved wickets (Fewster caught off a bouncer by Gavroche, and Wright caught by Captain Fanta-pants at extra cover), Quasitrotho pouched a catch off Olly, and Ellis Jr came on to bowl the final over and kept himself ahead of his rivals in the 2018 bowling contest by castling Tubbs (that is the name of the Horley batsman, not a jibe about Garr). After an excellent bowling and fielding performance by the Village, Horley ended up on 150 for 8 from their 35 overs.

The Village troops gathered on the boundary for the reply and settled in to watch their two opening swordsman go into battle with the royal guard. The home side opened with two slow bowlers, and Ferg didn’t waste much time before aiming some opening salvos over the barricade. He moved quickly on to 26 before giving Sangha an easy return catch and returning to the boundary to announce that he had batted exactly to his 2018 average.

Meanwhile Ali was dreaming a dream of time gone by (namely his fifty vs Didcot earlier this season) but was finding fluency a little hard to come by. He did find the opportunity to hit a couple of nice shots, including a super lofted straight drive for four, before being bowled by Sangha.

IVCC were 43-2 and had a long way to go in their chase, but didn’t really have any further alarms as Tim “The Liquid Batsman” Morton and Bill picked off the remaining runs with minimal fuss. Highlights included Tim hitting a trampoline in a garden over the boundary, while the rest of the IVCC team watched through their fingers as Daylight sought to re-enact the Marius-Cosette love story with a labrador in a nearby back garden. Thankfully Bill hit the winning runs (and duly brought up his own half-century) just as the romantic scene was about to reach a horrifying climax.

One day soon IVCC will return to Horley for another match against friendly opposition, but for now the Village leave north Oxfordshire with the spoils of battle safe in their possession.

Match report by Hictor Vugo