Match report

A rag-tag team of misfits and miscreants gathered together under the IVCC banner to pit their wits against familiar foes, Far from the MCC. A return to hallowed turf at Jesus College – a ground frequented by the Villagers in the club’s infancy but long forgotten since then – saw stand-in stand-in stand-in last-choice skipper Meier lose the toss and we were duly sent into bat. This turned out to be a good thing, as only 4 of us were there in time for the start of play.

The mighty form of Bobby Boundaries strode to the middle on the back of a run of good form – 31 opening against the Pelicans, and 68 not out v Long Compton – and was accompanied by chirpy Aussie bogan, Conway. Both got off to cautious starts before settling and finding the boundary with ease. Conway perished quickly, however, top edging to the keeper for just 8 before Berry was clean bowled for 14.

Obnoxiously-tall Abingdonian Daniels was next in, thrust unceremoniously up the order whilst we still waited for the rest of the team to arrive, which they did in drips and drabs. Winter doing his usual trick of not reading the email and trusting on a geezer’s gut instinct to find the right location. A short phonecall later… Anyway, Daniels looked fluid before he too perished, getting bowled playing back when he should have gone forward, for 10.

This brought in Tour hero Winter and Chairman Meier to try to rebuild. With the skipper doing his usual nurdling off the hip to keep the big-hitting Winter on strike, the score accelerated nicely to bring the IVCC score back on par. Both batsmen retired after hitting fluid 30s.

Mouthy newcomer Woodhall was next in to show us he wasn’t all mouth and a new pair of shiny white cricket boots. First ball flies to the cover boundary for 4 and the smugness envelopes him like a warm duvet. A duvet that is unceremoniously ripped from his grasp, leaving him naked and shivering as he’s clean bowled second ball.

This left A to the J Troth and the Wookie to see out the remaining over or two – Troth hitting one lovely boundary, and Dickie even grabbing a couple before we closed on a respectable, if not particularly challenging, 116-4 off 20.

Daylight opened the bowling from the pavilion end and was right on the money from ball one, his first over a tidy maiden. Dickie Tyler, perhaps with one eye on his upcoming nuptials this weekend, was a little less accurate and took time to find his line and length. The FFTMCC batsmen were watchful initially before eventually cutting loose and finding the boundaries starting to come. Berry finished with 3-1-8-0 and Tyler 4-0-23-0.

Unfortunately, despite looking assured with the bat, Troth was more fragile with the ball, and the opposition batsmen targeted him as they thrashed him to the boundary for four 4s in a row in his first over. A late addition to the team, rugby heartthrob Luke ‘Sheephead’ Newton, was holding shit down at the other end with some tidy spin. In the field, there were strong efforts by Conway and Taylor as usual. The lascivious Taylor was channelling the 80s by sporting a huge lovebite on his neck courtesy of a particular over-zealous bout of lovemaking with Mrs Taylor the night before. We’re hoping his love for the 80s continues to impress itself upon the IVCC fixture list and we look forward to Taylor wearing a bumbag in IVCC colours, and bringing back fingering.

Taylor’s influence looms large, no more so than in his unconventional approach to fielding. The amiable Paul Owen, Taylor’s father-in-law, was drafted in to make up the numbers and was showing very Taylor-esque footwork at backward point. He later moved to using his hands and pulled off one very fine stop at square leg towards the end of the innings.

With both opening batsmen retiring after hitting 30, and then their #3 following suit soon after, FFTMM were 90-0 and things weren’t looking good for the Villagers. There was time for a run out to occur – but who was involved escapes my fragile memory at present. Trothy (4-0-42-0) and Sheephead (4-0-19-0) both bowled through their allotted 4 overs each, and with bowling options looking about as bare as the Tottenham trophy cabinet, Meier turned to Woodhall and Daniels. Woodhall’s first over was decent, but his second proved a little expensive, ending with figures of 2-0-19-0. Daniels took the ball from the other end and immediately showed why he should have been brought into the attack earlier (sorry, I had no idea he was a bowler!) by forcing their #5 to spoon a catch straight to the grateful mitts of the Dickie T at extra cover.

It was, sadly, too little too late, and FFTMCC romped to victory with 2 overs to spare to win by 8 wickets.

Ali Meier Chairman 1 August 2019