Match report

Sunday offered up a series of potential firsts: First full day of sunshine this summer. First fixture of the season not cancelled. First victory for Iffley over Middleton Stoney. First win for England men’s football team in a major final. So much promise…

With an earlier start time of 1pm agreed so the football wouldn’t be missed, and having won the toss, Olly chose to bat for the first time ever in 4 meetings between these two titans of Sunday village cricket. With stalwart Fergus farting around in Wiltshire somewhere, our usual Antipodean opener Sam was joined by MSCC loanee Jay to begin proceedings. Watchful strokeplay ensued before Jay’s leg stump was uprooted by MSCC’s opening bowler for 7. Sam biffed with his usual ‘hit it as hard as I fuckin’ can mate’ technique that has served him so well over the years. Sunday proved one biff too far though as he melted one straight back to the bowler who took an astonishing caught and bowled. After 8 overs, the Villagers were already under the cosh at a Benaud-esque 22-2.

In an astute Southgate-like tactical switcheroo, Daylight was promoted up the order as the only person who’d actually played any cricket this season, with high hopes that he would unleash his alter-ego Bobby Boundaries and get the scoreboard moving a bit. Turns out it was more Barricade Bob as he resolutely defended his first ball like John Stones clearing off the line v. Switzerland. He wasn’t so staunch second ball though, and was clean bowled. This stench of England’s demise at the hands of lowly Iceland in 2016 hung heavy in the nostrils.

But that was before Iffley’s own Muscle Mary, AKA the Sharpest Nipples South of the Cotswolds, Ben Davis ambled to the crease. 6 months into fatherhood and he still looked fresh as a daisy; Mrs Davis obviously doing the lion’s share back at home (it’s 2024, Ben). After a tentative start, the lawman started to dominate, ignoring the defence and prosecuting the bowlers much like Tom Cruise in A Few Good Men. He wanted the boundaries, and they couldn’t handle them. At the other end, Fidel Morton (1) came and went in unusually quick fashion, another clean bowled by the miserly Simmo, before Ali (4) ran himself out going for a risky second trying to move the score on. Olly joined Ben in the middle and, slowly but surely, the score started to approach some sort of respectability (like a 2-1 win v Slovakia after extra time, I guess). However, after testing the solidity of the Middleton pavilion roof, Olly departed for 30 and Ben also for 51, leaving too much for the likes of second MSCC loanee Arvind (0), Alex (3*), Dan (1) and George (0*) to do. The Villagers retired to the pavilion for tea with a paltry 128–9 on the board.

Lunch was a decadent affair, as is often the case here at Middleton. Chicken drumsticks flirted with some exquisite chicken Caesar wraps for Nibble of the Day, but were eventually outdone by an absolute doosra of a lemon drizzle cake.

With the news that Djokovic was being dismantled at SW19, could the Villagers affect a similar shock result in OX25? Grandfather Time himself, Mr Dan Trinder, took the new Duke ball and immediately tested the Middleton openers with an accurate line and a sensual length. It wasn’t long before Matt Bazeley was back in the hutch, his furniture hastily rearranged. And then came the champagne moment. MSCC opener Rob Barton lunges forward to Dan (7-1-23-3), the ball flies off the edge like a rocket from the boot of Cole Palmer. Ali, with reflexes akin to Jordan Pickford, deftly takes the catch and sets off on a ticker-tape parade celebration rather like England’s when we reached the semi-final in Italia 90, i.e. all rather unnecessary, and a trifle embarrassing in hindsight. Moving swiftly on, the Village were still very much in the game, and as the sun beat down, Middleton found it all rather hard going. Some excellent fielding that belied our status as the most lethargic team in the South East was coupled with probing and thoughtful bowling. One particular ball from Olly (7-2-20-1) saw the ball shape in and then dart away in a way that really only (Sir) Jimmy Anderson has ever done before. Is Olly going to be England’s next call now that Jimmy has retired? Unlikely, but for one moment, one brief moment, he – nay, we – all dared to dream.

Change bowlers Arvind (4-0-15-0) and Daylight (7-0-21-0) bowled beautifully, often tempting the batters into misses and miscues, with only about 6 catches put down by their teammates (Ben did manage to cling on to one chance, to be fair). Despite this, MSCC’s midfield engine – akin to Rice and Mainoo – steadied the ship and slowly accrued runs in solid fashion. But it was their star man Ahmed – MSCC’s Bellingham, if you will – who looked serene at the crease and took the game away from the Villagers; his deft touches and poise making a mockery of his tender years. Ending on 42*, he rightfully was awarded the Man of the Match award at the end of the day.

And so, despite similarly excellent bowling from George (5.2-0-38-2) and Alex (2-0-11-0) in the latter stages, MSCC eased over the line with a few overs to spare and no need for extra time or penalties. Village hearts were fractured, but not broken – the game had been tightly poised until the very end and we had given a good account of ourselves, which is perhaps more than can be said for Southgate’s men later that evening.

Our thanks, as always, go out to our generous hosts at Middleton Stoney for another fine day.

Ali Meier

Chairman 16 July 2024